Saturday, April 22, 2006

 

Kronkyte's Kommentary


Good Evening,

This is the first of my 20thsenatorial commentaries. I would like to thank Norton the Blogger for giving me the opportunity to "blog." I originally thought he said "clog," to which I said "I haven't done that since the 1960s, and that was only after a few stiff Manhattans." I first met Norton at the 100th annivesary ceremony of Lawrence Welk's birth in Strasburg, North Dakota. We were the only two there, so we immediately struck up a freindship. But that's enough about Norton, after all, he hired me to add the wit and experience of a seasoned newsman to this sometimes pathetic blog.

The other day, I was channel surfing through AM Radio, looking for that 24 hour a day Lawrence Welk station, hoping to catch "The Early Years' Hour," when to my horror I heard the cacophonous voice of former Homeland Security Director, Tom Ridge. He was ballyhooing Lisa Baker for Senate like a used car salesman pitching a low mileage 1994 Ford Escort. He said she was "smart and intelligent." Where I come from, the definition of "smart" is "intelligent." Why didn't he just add in "astute, brainy, bright, brilliant, clever, keen, knowledgeable, perspicacious, quick-witted, sharp, shrewd, and wise."

Then I realized that this was the guy who took 18 months to devise those "stupid and unitelligent" color coded threat levels. Let me see if I can remember them: White means a little dangerous, Off White means a little more dangerous, Pale means more than a little dangerous, Ecru means lots of danger, and Eggshell means extreme danger. Alas, now I understand the "smart and intelligent" comment.

I think it would be better if Mr. Ridge spent his spare time figuring out what shade of red Ted Kennedy's face turns after the third martini. Maybe he could develop a warning system for that.

And that's the way it is.

*The views, opinions, conclusions, conjecture, hypotheses, ideas, impressions, inclinations, inferences, judgments, notions, sentiments, speculations, suppositions, theorems, theses, and viewpoints of Walter I. Kronkyte are not necessarily the views, opinions, conclusions, conjecture, hypotheses, ideas, impressions, inclinations, inferences, judgments, notions, sentiments, speculations, suppositions, theorems, theses, and viewpoints of the administration, authority, bosses, brass, directors, execs, executives, front office, head, management, staff, and top brass of 20thsenatorial blog.

Comments:
Excellent. I could hardly stop laughing to write this comment.
 
Wasn't Brian Doyle, age 55, Deputy press secretary for Homeland Security, hired by Ridge, arrested April 5 for alledgedly seducing a 14 year old girl over the internet???? Ridge sure is a great judge of character...
 
Doyle originally worked at TSA (Transportation Safety Administration.) He was appointed Deputy Press Secretary by Michael Chertoff, after Ridge stepped down to stump for Lisa Baker.
 
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